


I'll Be Here

by EveninCouncilor



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 10:38:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13522488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveninCouncilor/pseuds/EveninCouncilor
Summary: Rafael was hurrying along the sidewalk with arms full of groceries as the snow blinded him from seeing the icy patch ahead of him, and he slipped with a thud. “Jesus-” He scowled as soup cans rolled around about him. Grabbing the nearest one and cursing under his breath his eyes lifted to meet a sweet smile. Giggling actually.





	I'll Be Here

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by the song "I'll Be Here." I suggest everyone listen to it, it tore me apart and I needed to write this, so instead of doing homework I wrote this. So worth it though. Audra McDonald's version is my favorite, it came up on my Raul radio, and ugh! SO GOOD!

The night was crisp and a cool wind whipped past Rafael Barba, pulling his emerald scarf and his mind toward where he had come from. His gloved hand went to his neck where the chain that held a reminder of his past hung beneath his many layers. He tugged his jacket tighter and shuffled into the bar to meet his coworkers.

“Hey Barba!” A thick Staten Island accent rung through the thick air. The attorney made his way to the bar and took up the scotch that lay waiting for him beside Carisi’s beer and took a long, needing sip. The blonde detective’s brows scrunched up, “you ‘kay Counsilah?”

Barba weakly nodded, draining the rest of his glass. The corner of his lip lifted in an attempt at a smirk, but failed miserably with his eyes staring at his shoes. Chatter from the other detectives distracted Carisi enough for Barba to paint on his face a look of well being. The blue eyes looked concerned when they met the sad green ones once again, but they turned to engage in post-work conversation.

_Rafael was hurrying along the sidewalk with arms full of groceries as the snow blinded him from seeing the icy patch ahead of him, and he slipped with a thud. “Jesus-” He scowled as soup cans rolled around about him. Grabbing the nearest one and cursing under his breath his eyes lifted to meet a sweet smile. Giggling actually._

_“Are you alright?” A small hand extended to help, “you took quite the trip. Should I expect to see you next fall?”_

_A snort escaped him as he rose back up, rubbing his backside._

_“Here-” a box of Fruit Loops was handed to him and he took it with a grin._

_“Thanks-” In front of Rafael stood the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life. She was bundled up in what looked like five coats, red mittens, green scarf, and wonderful blue eyes- the type of blue that ran in deep rivers, wild and mysterious. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and little tendrils of chestnut hair escaped her furry hood, and her lips were bright pink from the winter months in New York. His grin grew and found the way into his bright green eyes. “Umm… Rafael.” He stuck his hand out awkwardly in an attempt to introduce himself._

_This elicited the world’s most adorable chuckle, “Samantha.” Her smile was sweet and genuine as she took his hand, not shaking it, but just holding it for a minute. The phone in his pocket buzzed, breaking the comfortable silence that befell the two that were standing in the middle of a snowy sidewalk surrounded by soup cans._

_“Oh geez,” Rafael finally took in the sight of all his groceries rolling around. He gave a weary smile to the sweet girl and whipped out his phone, “Barba-”_

_Samantha laughed at his professional sounding voice when he answered the caller. She bent down at the knees to start picking up the groceries and as soon as she gathered a loaf of bread and chicken noodle soup the man who dropped them was down beside her. “Thank you so much,” he said warmly meeting her soft gaze, the two smiling at eachother._

_“Anytime, Barba.” Samantha smirked as she said his name the way he had when he answered the phone. He couldn’t help but laugh at that fully, his eyes crinkling with pure enjoyment._

_“Well, Samantha, I’d rather not drop my groceries in the snow again… but if you promise to help me, if it should ever happen again- say tomorrow at seven- then I will definitely take you up on that offer.” They both stood up as the groceries were put back into the bag on Rafael’s shoulder._

_“I’ll bring some salt, so you don’t fall again tomorrow at seven,” Samantha smirked as she turned around to continue down her route. As she walked away Rafael couldn’t help but feel warm and cozy despite the frost that clung to him and the brisk air._

The conversation turned from the current case to about old stories when everyone was younger. Amanda told about how her sister and her snuck onto a stopped train and fell asleep after playing for a while, and when they awoke the train started moving and they jumped off, leaving them with bruised knees and another secret to hide from their mother. The team laughed as she showed them the scar on her elbow to prove it was true. Fin started on a story about when he worked with the drug unit and his partner got into some deep trouble, getting slapped by a sassy escort and having his head shaved from said lady.

Carisi laughed and looked over to Barba who was staring into his amber coloured drink, unamuse. He nudged the depressed looking man with his knee and he was met with watery eyes. Barba quickly blinked away the wetness and stood, excusing himself to the restroom. The young detective followed close behind, worrying about what had Barba so upset.

_Arms snaked around his waist and little butterfly kisses were placed across his shoulders as he flipped the M &M pancakes. He hummed as he was hugged tightly from behind. “Buenos dias, mi amor.” _

_Rafael turned around and completed the embrace. Sleepy eyes looked up into his, and a tiny smile shone from beneath the messy locks of hair covering her face. “Rafi, pancakes.” His smile growing wider and wider as his sleepy girlfriend found her way over to the coffee pot, making herself a sickenly sweet cup, and sitting on the oak bar stool under the kitchen island._

_“Sammy, you ready for today?” She nodded excitedly at the thought of the day they had planned ahead. Rafael had planned a surprise day for her birthday, that started off with her favorite food. After munching for a while, he brought over a small box wrapped in yellow and white striped paper and placed it in her hands._

_“Rafi, what’s this?” His grin grew, “it’s your birthday present, silly.” Samantha’s eyes grew wide as she opened the little box, her mouth hung open. “You like it?”_

_She sprung up into his arms, almost colliding her head with his jaw, “Oh my God, baby! Wha- How? How did you know?” She was jumping up and down in his strong embrace, holding the tickets to her favorite musical, Tick, Tick...Boom. “_

_Honey, you sing it ALL THE TIME, of course I knew” he chuckled heartily as she placed an array of kisses on his cheeks and a long, loving one on his lips._

Barba pushed open the thick door to the restroom and escaped inside, away from everyone’s joy. He stumbled to the sink, more from dread and emotion than the actual alcohol he consumed, and peered at his reflection in the mirror, scowling. The door pushed in to allow the entrance of the blonde detective into the private moment the attorney was having with himself. Catching the reflection of the worried look, he turned on the faucet and ran his hands under the cold water, bringing it up to splash on his redding face. “Bar-”

A pleading croak escaped his mouth, “Please-” A lump caught in his throat as he tried to force it down, “Not now, detective.” The look Carisi gave him was a mix of concern, pity, and confusion, which caused Barba to close his eyes and splash more freezing water to his face. He reached over to grab a paper towel, but caught sight of the golden chain peeking out of his collar, and a sob lurched in his chest as he ripped the towel down and to his face.

_“Rafi! What the hell are you still doing here?” Samantha pushed her way into his office. She was wearing a little blue dress with flower patterned kitten heels, chestnut hair in loose curls around her shoulders. Her usual smile was replaced with a slight frown as she clutched the doorknob, knuckles turning white._

_“Cariño, I’m sorry. I lost track of time, I had to finish this we-”_

_She sucked in a breath and released it with a hiss, “Rafael. Please. Just come home. You’re working day and night on this case, you are going to make yourself sick. Again.”_

_His eyes met his shoes, voice low, “Lo siento.”_

_She made her way to his side and slipped into his lap playfully, causing him to meet her eyes. “Hun, I’m just worried about you. You skipped Rita’s party this afternoon to work on this darn case. You definitely aren’t getting enough sleep, or enough to eat.”_

_A small smile tugged at his corners, he realized just how much she loved him, and could not understand why such an angel fell into his life. Well- technically he fell into hers._

_He stood up holding her to his chest, which caused her to break into a fit of giggles, which continued as he swung her side to side in a dance. She kicked off her heels and wrapped her arms around his neck, his hands settling on her hips. They rocked back and forth as he hummed a sweet spanish tune. He placed a delicate kiss to her forehead as she pecked a butterfly to the nape of his neck just below the collar. They swayed until their knees grew too weak, causing them to tumble to the ground in a fit of laughter. Rafael held his angel tight to his chest as she drew soft circles into his pant leg, questioning each other on baby names for the children they couldn’t wait to have._

“Barba- Rafael? Are you okay?” Carisi’s voice was too soft, too kind. It made Rafael’s stomach lurch, and he caught himself leaning into the porcelain countertop. He ran his hands through his hair, messing up the perfect coif.

He shook his head side to side, “No, Caris- Sonny. I’m not okay.” Sonny leaned forward and let his hand hover over Barba’s back, not knowing if his touch would be appreciated. Red eyes looked up into his face, “I’m not okay anymore… I try, but…” tears welled up, threatening to release if one more word is spoken.

Carisi took this as his queue and rested a reassuring hand on the stoic man falling to pieces in front of him. “Is there something I can do?”

_“Is there something I can do?” Rafael asked the bundle of blankets on the tile floor in the bathroom. There was a groan, but not much else.”How about some soup? Water?” He playfully nudged the bundle with his socked foot. He released a yelp as the blankets pulled him down to the floor. He chuckled, “Is that your way of telling me you’re feeling better, amor?” He pushed the makeshift hood of blankets away from the pale face in front of him._

_Baby hairs were sticking to Samantha’s forehead from the sweat dripping down her forehead. “Can I have a cool towel? And some ginger ale?”_

_Rafael smiled and nodded, “I don’t know, can you?” She pushed him slightly over, “just kidding, baby.” He pushed up and went to the kitchen to grab the requested items._

_Samantha reached over to the edge of the bathtub where a little stick was hiding behind the shower curtain. She brought it up to her face and noticed two distinct lines. “Oh, shit,” she murmured._

_Rafael heard that as he came back into the bathroom, “Cariño, what is it-” he spotted the little pink stick in her small hands. He knelt down, bringing her into his chest as she wept softly. “Sweetie-” he looked at the test to see if it was negative again, but his eyes honed in on two lines. “Dios mio!” He turned the sweaty girl around to face him, “We’re going to… you’re… you’re…”_

_“Pregnant-” she cut him off, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. He pulled her tighter than he ever held her._

_“_ _Se amo mucho, mis amores.”_

Barba shook his head, and stumbled into the nearest stall dry heaving. He fell to his knees in surrender to his emotions. Sonny had never seen anyone break down this bad before, definitely not the most victorious ADA in New York. His stomach dropped just thinking what has Barba so upset. _‘Who died?’_ is all he thought.

_Rafael had his right hand in his pocket clutching the ring box with a death grip. ‘Today’s the day,’ he thought. He ran into the doctor’s office, just a minute late. Samantha wouldn’t be mad at him for a minute. This is week 22, size of a sweet potato. He couldn’t wait to see his girls, it had already been a long day, but the thought of his sweet loves brightened his world. Rafael was caught going to the office early in the morning, called in to get a few warrants for the detectives he worked with in Brooklyn, but he made it out in time, well just a little off ‘on time,’ but that’s good for New York traffic._

_He went up to the desk to see what room to go to, “I’m here for an appointment with my wif--girlfriend, Samantha McKenny. I’m only a minute late- traffic.”_

_The nurse held up her hand, “Ms McKenny hasn’t checked in yet, so you’re alright Mr.-”_

_“Barba. Rafael Barba.” She gave him a sweet smile and nodded to the waiting area. He pulled out his phone to check on any texts from Sam about her being late, but there wasn’t anything. He shot her a quick text:_

_“At the doctor’s, you remembered right?”_

_Then another:_

_“I can’t wait to see our little sweet potato.”_

_And another:_

_“Mi amor? You coming?”_

_And yet another:_

_“Sweetie?”_

_He dialed her number after waiting for about half an hour and a lot of concerned glances from the nurses at the counter. It rang._

_And rang._

_And rang some more._

_“Hiya! You’ve reached Samantha’s voicemail. I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m either a.) sleeping b.) working or c.) being swooned by mi amor, Rafael. Leave a message, but honestly a text is easier for everyone.”_

_His heart dropped._

“Barba?” Sonny’s voice was gentle.

_“Mr. Barba, despite our sincerest efforts, I hate to inform you that your wife and child did not make it.”_

Barba gripped the toilet seat, knuckles white, and hurled everything that was in his stomach. His heart wasn’t far from his stomach, and he was surprised that it didn’t end up in the bowl either.

_“I AM NOT SEPARATING THEM!” He screamed as he saw the two separate sized caskets displayed before him._

He leaned back on his heels as Sonny placed a cool towel to his forehead.

_He wore a black suit and emerald scarf that she wore the first time they met._

He rubbed his wet eyes.

_It should not be sunny today. Not on the day my angels will be put in the ground._

He coughed, throat sore.

_He knelt in the fresh dirt, planting a small rose bush where her womb should have been._

He stood and went to the sink to rinse his mouth out.

_He accepted the transfer to Manhattan. The DA knew how hard he was handling being in Brooklyn afterwards._

He turned to his company, giving him a weak smile.

_He placed the thin band on a gold chain._

Sonny leaned forward, “Rafi, are you okay?” He placed a gentle hand on his elbow, pulling him closer, and into a hug.

_“Rafi, I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” Samantha drew little circles in his chest hair absentmindedly, looking up into his beautiful eyes._

_He placed a gentle kiss to her forehead, “Para siempre.”_

_“Honey?”_

_“Hmm?” he hummed._

_“If something ever happens to me, I want you to learn to be happy again. Okay?”_

_“Amor? Are you okay?” he gazed at her with worry in his eyes._

_“Yah, I’m okay. I was just thinking… I want you to know that if something ever happens to me I want you to move on and allow yourself to be happy.”_

_“But…”_

_“Promise me.”_

_“I promise.”_

_“I love you so much.”_

_“Te amo mucho, mi angel.”_

“Rafi, are you okay?” Sonny was so concerned with his well being, it was so sweet.

He hummed lightly, “Now I am.”

Sonny grinned down at the man in his arms, and it looked like the sun. “I love you.”

“You’re why it was sunny.”

“What?” he raised his brows in question.

“The day my angels left me, it was sunny.”

“Rafi? Wha-”

_“I promise.”_

Rafael leaned up and placed a gentle kiss to Sonny’s lips. “Te amo, mi angel del sol.”

**Author's Note:**

> All established characters do not belong to me.   
> I only own Samantha McKenny.   
> Sorry if this was angsty, but I needed some of that in my life to tear apart my soul.   
> Please leave some comments or Kudos if you enjoyed the sound of my heart breaking.


End file.
